The story of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s spiritual journey and the description of the purpose of his Spiritual Exercises greatly affected me.
Listening to the story of St. Ignatius and the transformative experience that he had while recovering from his battle injury oddly correlated with the progression of experiences that I have had during my time at Saint Joe’s, a university whose values and mission are in line with those of the Jesuit and St. Ignatius himself. Similar to the unexpected events that led St. Ignatius to the experiences that he had, I can guess that many incoming freshman do not immediately associate coming to college with the intangible idea of having a transformative, spiritual experience. So many other physical aspects of college like classes, social life and activities flood the perception of any preconceived notion of a college experience. It is not until a person is actually experiencing college life, especially in a university like St. Joe’s , that they begin to feel the values, like “men and women with and for others” and “finding God in all things”, at work. I know that when I came into this university, I was one of these students who never expected to have the transformative experiences that I have had thus far. I knew what the stereotypical notions of college were – the parties, alcohol – and I was scared. From the very beginning, while my other friends and roommates reinforced these stereotypical college activities by going out all the time, I would stay in or, go home most of the time on the weekends to escape the struggle of not knowing where I fit in. Looking back on this struggle, it falls in my college experience where Saint Ignatius’s cannonball injury falls in the story of his transformation. My struggle was not so much that I wanted to be involved in these activities, but I wanted to know how the emotions and struggle of this part of transitioning to college was going to affect me throughout the year. I tried so many different activities my freshman year to see if actively seeking out the cure to my struggle would help. I tried different choirs, clubs and even a sorority which did not last long at all. These attempts were only creating more struggles and it was not until I stepped into Tohatchi, New Mexico that things changed.
The experience of the trip as a whole mirrors the process that we discussed about Saint Ignatius’s reflection during his recovery period. His daydreaming about the two sides of himself and where he felt more at peace is similar to the experience I had during the whole trip. While I did not think that I was coming from a “bad place” necessarily, I was coming from a place of uncertainty, which brought a lot questioning in my own life. I began to see another side of myself, a more spiritual and reflective side that was very different for me. It brought me to a very uncomfortable place internally because for the first time I felt like I was truly connecting to my faith and to God and at the same time, I was comfortable and I felt at peace. The experiences that I had on my summer immersion trip to New Mexico literally changed my life. While the idea of a “life changing experience” is often thrown around, I truly believe that it happened to me on this trip. I found a spiritual part of myself on the trip that I never knew I had. It was like this vibrant spirituality was lying dormant inside of me and needed the spark of this particular trip to ignite. The moment when I truly felt this spirituality awaken was in the Sweat, a traditional Navajo “spiritual exercise”. As I sat on the dirt floor in the hut with my arms crossed over my knees, barefoot and drenched in sweat, I listened to Howard, the Navajo medicine man say prayers and tell us his own reflections and stories. During his prayers, I began to feel an odd pressure on the bottom of my feet. I initially moved my feet back a little from the hot coals, but the pressure and heat did not go away. A wave of energy came over me that, to this day, I still cannot completely describe. The mix of these two sensations focused me in my prayer so much and I felt like a fire was ignited under my feet, a symbol that I interpreted as God showing me that I could go anywhere, do anything and be anything if I set my mind to it. It was an incredibly real, yet spiritual experience of God. The discussion of Saint Ignatius’ experience of God as profound and more real than reality itself is when I correlated my own spiritual journey with his, and what sparked my desire to reflect of the similarities between my journey and his.
I feel repetitive when I constantly refer back to these experiences in papers, conversations and reflections that I have with others, but the impact that those ten days had on, what will be 4 years in college, is also a similarity between the story of Saint Ignatius and my own. The Jesuit tradition reflects the impact that Saint Ignatius’ experiences, writings, lessons and Spiritual Exercises continue to have over spiritual practices and education four hundred years later. On a smaller scale, the experience of New Mexico and the incredible peace and presence of God that I felt in the sweat has impacted the way in which I connect my faith with spirituality and the ways in which I live my life on a day to day basis. Many of the Jesuit values have become a part of this connection between faith and spirituality and had I not had the experiences I did early on in my time at Saint Joe’s, I would not be at the same place spiritually, mentally or academically. Those experiences led me to the path that I believe God has set out for me and I believe that, like St. Ignatius’ story after his transformative experiences, this path will lead me in a direction that will bring true order and happiness to my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment